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Peace and Prosperity

The New Rules of Golf in the USAR (Union of Soviet American Republics)


The little Stalinist Mayor of Palm Beach County, FL , Dave Kerner, just issued another one of his unconstitutional and unlawful “emergency orders.” This time it was to begin opening up recreational activities in the county. Before making his announcement he told us that we are not to behave like elementary school children on the last day of school before summer vacation, indicating that he does indeed think of us all as eight-year-olds (at best). He also stated that if we did behave that way, we “WILL be subject to arrest.” Jackbooted Sheriff Rick Bradshaw stood behind him with his usual phony scowl.

Next up was the top “public health” bureaucrat in the county who continued to drone on and on, lecturing to a television audience that she obviously assumed had the average intelligence of a three-year-old, repeating the tired, old “social distancing” blather combined with more threats of imprisonment, promising that that will be the law of the land “until we have a vaccine.”

Finally, our mini-Stalinist mayor issued his “emergency order.”  Attachment 3 applies to yours truly, since I’m a golfer. The courses open in two days, hopefully enough time for me to memorize the mayor’s twenty-eight regulations that are to dictate play. I am told that I WILL be subject to arrest, for example, if I arrive at the course more than 20 minutes before my tee time (Regulation #3). The good news is that I will probably lower my score since Regulation 17 mandates that the cups are to stick one inch above the surface of the green. No need to make  putts; just hit the cup somewhere and count it as a made putt. Nice.

Reprinted with permission from

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